In the tradition of the personal advice columnists, FoCo Woman’s Dear Harper is a plainspoken straight shooter. She can relate to women of all ages on real life questions. Our reporter will research topics of interest to our readers and then answer your questions with empathy and humor. Her opinions and straight to the heart precision will quickly make Dear Harper one of your favorite advice columns.
The holidays are here and with the traditional family dinner get-together comes a problem. Our two children (ages 25 and 27) don’t like each other. It is a rarity that they have contact during the year. This makes for such a stressful holiday meal; my wife and I would just prefer to not have them. What should I say to explain to both of them that we will no longer host holiday “family” dinners? I'm afraid whichever we talk to first or even if it is at the same time, one will say “Well, I will come for Thanksgiving and she can come for Christmas this year”.-Parents Too Stressed by Holidays
Dear Stressed by Holidays,
Your “children” are adults! They should be able to put their differences aside two nights out of the year for your sake. If that statement is made, tell them, “No. This would only remind us that only half of you are here and that really saddens us.” Holidays are supposed to be happy times. We have made the decision to spend our holidays elsewhere.
I am so excited as the time gets near for my brother and his family to make their annual trip home to spend the holidays. He and his family live across the country so this is usually the only time we get to visit.
Unfortunately, he called me yesterday to say that this will be the last Christmas he and his wife and my two nephews will be coming for the holidays. He told me he has been having an affair and wants to leave his marriage right after the New Year. I want them here but feel like such a liar not saying anything, but I want to be supportive to my brother. Should I tell him not to come?-Trying To Be Supportive
I know it is hard being the only one in the family to know his secret. But by confessing to you, he is showing you he trusts and needs you. Once his secret becomes real, he is going to leave a heartbreaking mess. He will need you and the family to support him and his boys. Let him and your family have this one “perfect” holiday. Try to forget what you know and enjoy this untroubled time together. After all, tomorrow is another day!
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